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Simply Sherri

12/23/2014

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For a few too many years I asked Santa for weird stuff, and I’m pretty sure he took me off his gift list.
For example, after my butt fell around age 35, yes, I did request a new, perky hind end. Actually, I asked for a cute butt for more than a decade. But I never got it.  

For several years in a row I also asked for culinary skills. 
Then I asked for a passionate need to make my bed every day, mop the floor and stop piling everything I own on the kitchen table. 

Well, the big guy in red never came through with any of those domestic wishes. I still need a front loader when I am looking for two shoes that match. And every type of frozen food falls out of my freezer onto the sticky kitchen floor. Plus, my tax papers are still stored in the oven.
I also wanted Santa to change my bad habits. I wanted to wake up Christmas morning with a sudden aversion to donuts and Little Debbie cakes. 

“I can’t even look at that sugary trash without gagging!” I wanted to say. “Give me carrots!”
Because I have dish towels a lot longer than I ever have a husband, I secretly begged Santa to bring me a good man. You know, the kind of guy who would cherish the fact that I rarely sleep, hate to wash dishes and prefer to spend my life in pajamas. I wished for a man who worked hard, stayed loyal and worried every day about losing me, the love of his life, his soul mate. 

Hmm. Santa never left a man like that under my tree. 
I only got weasels ... one a little bit more awful than the last one.
This year, I want Santa to turn me into a fairy princess with a magic wand. But don’t assume I want to be a sissy type of princess. I don’t want my hair pulled up in a bun. I ain’t wearing a long, flowing dress, either. 
Nope. I prefer to use my roller derby queen approach. I will spend hours whacking brats over the head with my cool wand.

When I hear gossip and critical comments, I will simply knock the negative right out of that person. I will konk them on the head so hard that they will see stars. And then they will see blessings.
For those who like to argue and judge, my magic wand will serve as a special glue to close their nasty lips. One little bonk over the head with my wand and – whoopsie – silence. Mean people will slowly figure out that their mouths just won’t open anymore if they only want to spew hatred. 

Santa, if you’ll just make me a princess with a magic wand this year, I promise to use it responsibly. I’ll get busy bonking some sense into the people who think they know so much when they actually know so little. Each time I give a temporary concussion to a toxic person or a dishonest person or a snotty, better-than-you type, I will also give confidence and peace to those who have been damaged by the hurtful stuff of others.
One more thing, Santa. Please make sure my wand is pink. I will be using it a lot to remind breast cancer survivors everywhere that they are warriors. 

A former Southsider and an award-winning journalist and humor writer, Sherri Coner resides in southwest Florida. To learn about her books for women and to join her on Facebook, visit www.sherriconer.com.        
   

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Quilters, poet team for exhibit

12/23/2014

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Picture
Photos provided by Mary Hawn “Mystery Lady” (left), a quilt photo by Mary Kenworthy, and “Free” (a girl on a swing), by Tina Brauer, are among the quilts to be displayed in Poetry in Free Motion.
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Stitches and stanzas are on the minds of quilters and poets collaborating in the Poetry in Free Motion project, which highlights the works of 11 quilters and 11 poets from central Indiana. 

The quilts and poems will be displayed from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Wednesdays through Saturdays, Jan. 3-30, at the Southside Art League, 299 E. Broadway St., Greenwood. A reception will be held at 6 p.m. Friday, Jan. 9. Info: 938-7026.

Each poet was assigned to write about one of the quilts. The finished quilts and their accompanying poems have been displayed at various venues. 

The quilters are Martha Allan, Jeanette Bagley, Diane Billiard, Tina Brauer, Phyllis Fee, Cynthia Holman, Mary Kenworthy, Suzanne Miller, Linda Osman, Linda Rowda and Mary Beth Wren.

The poets are Joyce Brinkman, Barry Harris, Mary Place Godsey, Elizabeth Krajeck, Jennifer Lemming, Jayne Marek, Teresa Middleton, Lylanne Musselman, Mary Sexson, John Sherman and Shari Wagner.
The program was founded by John and Mary Hawn as a way of combining their separate passions. Mr. Hawn is a poet who writes under the name of JL Kato; Mrs. Hawn is a quilter.
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