When some of my friends and I recently discussed our not-so-successful weight loss goals, I thought about that certain pair of jeans hanging sadly in my closet. They might be molding now because they’ve been there for so long.
“I haven’t worn jeans for at least two years,” I said to my friends. “We all know that I can’t get my hind end back in that pair that lounges around in my closet.”
“Why keep them?” one friend asked. “Don’t you feel more terrible to keep something that you can never wear again?”
“Thanks for that little vote of confidence,” I growled.
“I’m just realistic,” she said with a sigh. “You know we won’t squeeze into a size 8 again. Not without a miracle.”
“Not in this lifetime,” another friend said in a low voice.
“If I get rid of my too-small jeans, my butt has permission to get even wider,” I said too loudly.
Together, we recalled the days when we wore the tightest jeans we could find.
“Every time I sat down my spleen was damaged,” one friend said with a glow in her eyes. “But did I care?”
“No!” We answered in unison.
“Back then, I had an amazing butt,” she said with a giggle. “I wanted everyone to enjoy it.”
“I remember flopping backward on my bed and grabbing the zipper with a pair of pliers,” another friend said. “That is how tight I wore my jeans! Can you imagine?”
“Those days are over for me. If I could get away with it, I’d wear only a poncho for the rest of my life!” said another girl with a red face.
“I had a favorite pair of white jeans,” another friend said in a dreamy voice. “But if I wore a pair of white jeans in my current size … I would look like a jumbo marshmallow.”
“Those were the days,” another friend sighed. “Back then I had a bubble butt. Today, people would call it a J-Lo butt. I must say, as far as butt conversations go, mine was pretty darn perfect.”
“I never had an amazing booty,” I said. “However, I sure never expected what I had back there to spread all over the place, either.”
“I have a great idea!” a crafty friend literally jumped from her chair with excitement.
“What’s so earth-shattering?” one girl rolled her eyes.
“Everybody bring your too-small jeans to my house,” my crafty friend said. “We will have a ceremony. A goodbye type of ceremony. Then we will have cake and wine and more cake. And then, with the denim no one can wear anymore, I will make pillows for each of you!”
“Like a forever goodbye to my J-Lo butt,” one friend whispered.
“I like the idea!” another girl said with a smile. “Sherri? Are you in?”
“Nope. I’m not doing it,” I said gruffly. “I’m not allowing my favorite pair of jeans to be turned into a pillow just because I am too fat to wear them.”
“So you’re just keeping them? Shaming yourself with them? Punishing your big old butt?” Everybody asked in one moment.
“Yep,” I nodded. “I am keeping my jeans.”
Then I went home and gave those jeans a new home on the back of a chair, where I can always see the waistband … a much smaller waistband than what I currently haul around.
“Motivation,” I whispered as I smoothed a few wrinkles. “That’s what you are now. Motivation.”
Sherri Coner is an award-winning journalist and humor writer who speaks to women’s groups. To learn about her books for women and to join her on Facebook, visit www.sherriconer.com.