For too many years to count, I made promises that I rolled my eyes at.
And broke those promises within the first 10 hours of the new year.
This year I am only making goals that I know – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that I can absolutely achieve.
For example, this year, I will not eat a dozen donuts in two days. Instead, I will commit to eat only 11.
I promise not to trade fresh biscuits and yeast rolls for gluten-free Styrofoam… I mean bread. Ever.
I will not trade butter for a tub of plastic pretend butter. And I will not trade dessert for salad, either.
I absolutely refuse to give up those goals.
In addition, I also doubt strongly that I will stop cussing.
I have a bad temper. And a bad mouth goes with a bad temper.
To have anything but a sailor-inspired vocabulary when I am honked off …well that would make me a freak of nature. I already have lots of labels. Why add another one to the list?
Just for the record, I also will not stop using “real” language in the books I write for women.
Another resolution for 2016 is to remain unmarried.
Though I sometimes think a lot more often about being in love someday, that thought is never followed by a wish to fly out to the stores to purchase yet another wash-and-wear wedding gown.
I don’t think I want to remarry. As in ever.
But that is not the same thing as wondering if my heart might still work if I decide someday to dust it off and try it out on a male who can read my mind, walk on water, make me laugh every day and bring tears to my eyes with his warm hugs.
I am not making a resolution to lose any weight.
I have bonded with the wad of fat under my belly button as we have become friends.
In fact, I have planned my entire wardrobe around that chunk of gravy … and she even has a name.
Yes, I named her Rotunda.
I am tired of trying to kick her out. It is obvious that she doesn’t want to move out, anyway.
And who am I to deprive Rotunda of donuts and cake?
In 2016 I will likely continue to accept dares even when I know it is ridiculous. I will do it anyway. That’s just how I roll.
In this new year I will hold on tight to my sweet son, my dreams, my girlfriends, my tomorrows and all of my blessings too.
And I wish all of the sweetest tomorrows to all of you.