But we can’t seem to help it. We get intoxicated by all the sugar plum stuff.
We tend to forget that the people who gagged us before Christmas will likely gag us after Christmas too.
In most families everyone has a key role whether you like it or not.
There’s always a caregiver just like there’s always a blowhard. Someone is always allowed to be the boss of everybody else. And there’s a golden child who is actually a weasel underneath all the you know what.
There’s a brainy brat, a drama diva, a wild one and a freakishly misunderstood weirdo.
Of course, a family isn’t complete without the infamous black sheep, either. The one who takes the heat for everybody else’s issues plus their own.
We know the big guy in red doesn’t miss much.
But we still do dumb stuff, right? We pretend to like each other.
If Santa sprinkled truth serum on every single sugar cookie in America, the holiday season would be drastically different.
Instead of greeting a not-so-favorite person with a fake, “How nice to see you!” the truth would hit the air like a bullet, ... “Oh man, I was hoping you had the flu,” or “Dang, Who gave you the correct address? It sure wasn’t me!”
When your neighbor asks how you liked the fruit cake that she left in your mailbox, the facts would blast, “Lady, here’s a little FYI. Everybody hates fruit cake, and your concrete cake dented our mailbox.”
A snooty relative could not tell a whopper about her husband missing the family dinner because of an important meeting.
The truth would roll off her tongue. “My old man can’t travel farther than our porch steps. He’s on house arrest.”
Wouldn’t it be so deliciously refreshing to simply hear the truth?
You say to a long-lost cousin, “Your eyes are so red. Have you been crying?”
Confession is in the air. “I wasn’t crying. Actually, I’m stoned. And if you get on my nerves while I’m here, I will smoke pot in your upstairs bathroom while I look through your medicine cabinet.”
When you nicely say to a family member, “How’s your son and daughter-in-law?”
You won’t hear, “We hardly ever see them. They are so busy!”
The truth will ping pong all over the place. “We don’t know how they are getting along. We disowned them a long time ago.”
Your sister introduces her new boyfriend then privately says, “Isn’t he so handsome?”
You no longer have a forked tongue, so let it rip with, “Maybe in the dark he could be nice looking. But honey, in the daylight, that man looks like a mole with horse teeth.“
No more dread about how to escape the tension anymore, either.
Someone says, “Oh no! Can’t you stay longer?”
That’s your cue to just be honest, “I only like the baby and the dog. They are sleeping so I’m leaving.”
That person pretending to want you to stay can also be free. “Whew, I thought you would never ask for your coat! Bye!”
“See you next year?”
“I hope not!”
Sherri Coner is an award-winning journalist and humor writer who speaks to women’s groups. To learn about her books for women and to join her on Facebook, visit www.sherriconer.com.